Last post of 2007 from Jason.

So the past few years on my old blog I've done a final post of the year thing followed by some resolutions. Basically I've been a horrible failure with the resolution part, and as for the final thoughts of 2007? What a flippin' year.

To start, it has been an enormously amazing year of change. Each New Years eve for the last number of years I've asked God for a little word. Sometimes I get a picture or a verse. One year I got the verse John 13:4 and used it as a theme for that year. Two years ago I got the picture of a desert and wouldn't you know, that year sucked. Last December 31rst I got a picture of fire. I thought, "wow, this is either really cool in a charismatic way, or it's gonna be another tough one...". And it's been tough.

A few days after the New year I came across a blog run by a former pastor and Christian apologist who has become a militant athiest. For whatever reason God used this a springboard for the greatest spiritual overhaul I've ever experienced. I began to question God. Who was he, did He really exist? Have I just been indoctrinated my whole life. A product of a quasi-Christian culture no different from some passionate Muslim or Buddhist? Did I really just evolve from a protoplasm and a spider monkey? Could I really know him? Have I just had my head in the sand? Honestly, over the course of the year my faith in him has been literally stripped naked and bare to the point I thought it was gone.

Along with the deep faith trials and questions was the fact that I knew for awhile that my time in leadership and as a pastor at my church was coming to an end. I'd been at the church since November of 04 and had basically helped to pastor it from about 200 or so to 30ish. Not a fun process. So many of the ideals and convictions I would honestly die on the side of a mountain for seemed to bankrupt in many ways. Sure many of my convictions are biblical truths and timeless values, but somewhere along the way even the most noble of them combined with a wounded heart does not lead to the righteous life that God requires. I became a wreck. I felt and still kind of feel like everything I've touched turns to crap. My faith in God, my ecclesiology, my theology, my everything that has to do with thinking about church and God was on life support. I remember one night in particular my wife and I knew that something had become radically different and gone for me. Not a pretty picture.

So what happened? I quit my job at the church. I was blessed to get a new job that became available and saw me step into a great situation. I actually saw an increase in pay too! This job been such a huge blessing for me and my family. Unfortunately, as that happened I saw a huge shift in our social group of friends. Most everyone that I would call a peer and friend, that was part of our close homegroup has moved on. That has been the hardest part. It's been a very lonely time for me, making the trial of my faith questions that much harder and intense.

In the first part of October it all kind of came to a head. I think I was finally able to describe my feelings as "I think the fire has finally gone out, and I'm not sure I want it ever re-lit again." Harsh but really true. I was honestly at the point that I was ready to live the rest of my life as an agnostic/"I couldn't really care-less" theist. Then as the story goes, and you probably see it coming, God met me. Naomi, my dear and valiant wife drug me along to a worship event where a speaker spoke the message that I needed to hear. Then an old friend spotted me, came over and started to pray for me. And I cried and sobbed and cried some more. I was so sad that I'd let my heart grow so hard and wounded. That I had pushed God so far away in my brokenness. Not at all realizing that it was part of his plan I suppose. Honestly I really can't describe what's happened over the last few years with the desert and the fire. I don't know much and can't describe anything that well. Only this, somehow in wanting to please God and strive for holiness and truth, God has brought me through all this to know only his grace.

That last part sounds so generic. I know. But it's the truth. Things that once interested me: theology, doctrine, orthopraxy, eccesiology, systematic theology, how the church functions, how to grow as a church, church health, missional ideas, evangelism... on and on suddenly don't at all. All I'm really interested in is grace. I know I need to be careful here that I don't covey some cheap grace/every thing is permissible kind of idea, but a real understanding that nothing I can do benefits God in any way. Jesus came to serve and not be served. How can we? How can we impress him with any form of service?? Not in the least. It is only by his act of obedience, mercy and grace; his strength not mine that we have any sort of reconciliation with the Creator. Grace and nothing more.

So I'm totally losing everyone I bet. That's ok. This post is therapeutic for me to write. It's my truth as best as I can describe. Somehow on that night when God broke through a whole lot of shame and lies had to go. I haven't all the sudden become John Calvin with my bible study skills or Dr. Dobson in how I deal with my kid, but I'm finally a little more OK with who I am. In striving for holiness and all that, I wasn't really being me... I don't know how to reconcile that with doctrine or scripture just yet, (Give me some more time) but it's true. Only in accepting my depravity have I been able to understand grace. (Don't anybody else take this as a license to be shady!!)

All in all and in conclusion, 2007 is the year we bought our first home. I saw my son turn 5 and enter kindergarten. I made a radical career change. I've lost 42 pounds as of the end of the year. I'm only somewhat involved at church (still going to the same one. I skipped yesterday and went to the gym.) I'm ready for new friendships and more change if God has that for me. I think I'm ready to even reconcile with some of the destroyed relationships if it comes my way. I hope I would be able to at least.... So I don't know. I'm debating whether or not to ask God for a word for this year. It's kind of intimidating. I can't imagine it being any worse than that last few years. But I am a sinner living in a fallen world of sin going through the process of redemption. That is never going to be easy or comfortable. I'm sure that I will always be needing to be taught the same lesson many different ways, Grace. And I'll need it to be taught it!

I should finish this now... Grace to you friends, far and near, in 2008.

"Christian guy totally owns Mormons"

So... A little history. When I was in high school, I was a tad... well irritating is one word. Idealistic, smug, a know-it-all, legalistic are terms that would also work. Basically your typical intense Christian goof that had it all figured out and felt charged with reaching all the infidels and other heathens with the truth. A large target of my missional mis-focus was the Church of Jesus Christ and their latter day saints. Nothing thrilled me more than yelling at some unsuspecting white shirt, black tie and name tag missionary on their bike that I thought their founder, Joseph Smith was the mouth piece of Lucifer. I bought every book on how to win arguments with Mormons in point-counter point fashion. We defaced the book of Mormon at the local library... It goes on an on.

Well, I tend to feel really bad about that part of my spiritual development from time to time. I'm glad I didn't follow evangelical path cause I'd probably be more part Fred Phelps than Jesus Christ at this point in my life.

All this to say that I came across this video on-line titled "Christian guy totally owns Mormons" and well, I guess he does. It's just crazy that:

A) They filmed this.
B) The Mormon guys come off way less obnoxious than the Christian guy.
C) Mitt Romney might be president of the U.S. of A.
D) That 1,854,749 people on-line have watched it.
E) The Christian guy is right.

I guess all this to say, Wierd.

I've learned there is so much more to faith and evangelism than point/counter-point books and sneak attack parking lot debates on whether or not Jesus and the devil are spirit brothers in the tellestial heavens.

Anyway, if you want to be the 1,854,750th guy to watch you can see the video here.

Jason's totally fake New Years resolutions.

• See Sweeney Todd.
• Start drinking V-8
• Start drinking hard liquor. A lot.
• Start hanging out with improv actors.
• Go to bible college.
• Avoid urinals all year.
• Eat potatoes at every meal.
• Wear my socks inside out.
• Buy Windows Vista.

What are your fake New Years resolutions?

FIGHT!!

Seven people were injured on Thursday when Greek Orthodox and Armenian priests came to blows in a dispute over how to clean the Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem.

Following the Christmas celebrations, Greek Orthodox priests set up ladders to clean the walls and ceilings of their part of the church, which is built over the site where Jesus Christ is believed to have been born.

But the ladders encroached on space controlled by Armenian priests, according to photographers who said angry words ensued and blows quickly followed.

For a quarter of an hour bearded and robed priests laid into each other with fists, brooms and iron rods while the photographers who had come to take pictures of the annual cleaning ceremony recorded the whole event.

A dozen unarmed Palestinian policemen were sent to try to separate the priests, but two of them were also injured in the unholy melee.

"As usual the cleaning of the church afer Christmas is a cause of problems," Bethlehem Mayor Victor Batarseh told AFP, adding that he has offered to help ease tensions.

Read the rest of the article here...

Airport- O' dark thirty

So my dad's flight that was scheduled for an already late 11:30 pm got bumped back 3 hours so here I am at 2:45 am in the morning in a cold terminal waiting for him. Not really a joyous place, it might even not seem like present day is 2 sleeps away... Other than that, I am looking forward to my dad coming and spending time with us. I'm a bit concerned though that I might be here still awhile as the flight arrival screen only shows that the flight has been delayed to 2:17 & no other info for it's arrival. I think I might take up coffee drinking soon if this get's any later.

Present-mas part 2

So when I discover a time when I can focus on the birth of Jesus in more than a superficial, token way I think I would like to ponder other men who tried to live the redemptive life modeled by Jesus.

Someone perhaps like a guy named St. Nick:

The original Saint Nicholas was a Christian bishop in 4th-century Myra, geographically located in modern-day Turkey. As an adult, Nicholas gained a reputation as a generous man and the protector of innocents. These saintly traits largely arose from a legend, which eventually led to his canonization.

In the legend, a poor citizen of Myra had three daughters, but not enough money to afford a dowry for them. No dowry meant no marriage, and unmarried women in those days generally had one career choice: prostitution. The father was less than thrilled by this possibility, but too proud to ask for help. Nicholas discovered the family’s predicament the night before the first daughter came of age. Not wanting to embarrass anyone, he approached the family’s house late one night and tossed a bag of gold through an opened window. He did the same thing the night before the second daughter came of age. Both gifts were enough to cover the dowry, and both girls were spared the consequence of their poverty.
Before long, the third daughter was ready to marry, and the appreciative father wanted to find out who was behind the lavish gifts. When the time came, the father hid next to the window, hoping to catch their anonymous benefactor in the act. Nicholas learned of the father’s plan and improvised: Instead of lobbing it through the window, he dropped the third bag of gold down the chimney.
It wasn’t long before people began to suspect that the kindly bishop Nicholas, who had inherited money from his affluent parents, was behind these mysterious actions and a great many other secretive gifts to the poor. After he died of old age on December 6, 343 AD the people of Myra continued providing for those in need. In fact, they made a practice of giving gifts anonymously, always attributing them to the late Bishop Nicholas.
Before long, the bishop — who had worn liturgical robes of red and white — was canonized as a saint. Saint Nicholas became venerated as the protector of innocents, the patron saint of children, and a secret giver of gifts.

Present-mas

I am hear-by now referring to the upcoming spectacle that is happening on December 25th as "present-mas". I intend to celebrate it by placing a large plastic tree in our living room, and flashy lights along the fascia of our roof. It will be a marvelous time with lots of debt going onto the visa. We will all give great gifts to each other and eat like swine.

In doing this, I'd like to discover a season where I can celebrate the birth of the baby who crushed sin and Satan while incarnating redemption and revealing hope.

Happy present-mas everyone!

Christmas play 2007

So, I'm live phone blogging from Noahls Christmas play. Should be good as long as my son doesn't clock some other kid half-way through "Santa Clause is coming to town". That is a huge possibility after the last week of school. The other thing I'm a bit worried about is he's suffering from the big "Diarrhea..." if you know what I mean. So if we get past those two hurdles we'll be OK! More later...

Another really random post.

So on a Dodger blog I frequent way too much one of the commenter's posted this random bit of info.

"I was told some people on World of Warcraft had a virtual funeral for one of the people they played with who actually died. But apparently, they told everyone where they were having it and to leave them alone and some people came by and killed them all. "

That is both the funniest and most tragic thing I have read in awhile.

Totally random

I think I have my New Years resolution. I want to turn my old tired 240 Volvo wagon into a mustang eating speed wagon. I've been doing a bunch of research the last couple of nights and I'm starting to put together a staged based plan.

1. Suspension upgrade
- Front Bilstein HD Struts $279.94
- Rear Bilstein HD Shocks $166.92
- ipd Sport Springs (set of 4) $248.00
- ipd anti-sway bar $348.00
- ipd adjustable panhard bar $99.95
- new Volvo ball joints $50.64
- front polyurethane bushing kit $80.78
- front & rear wheel bearings $95.68

2. Engine rebuild
- rebuild kit $300.00
- engine gasket set $123.54
- engine mount $19.90
- polyurethane accessory bushing $6.50
- hood insulation $49.95
- oil pump $159.00
- timing belt, tensioner & seals $149.00
- new injector seals $23.59
- In-tank fuel pre-pump $49.43
- main fuel pump $140.14
- ipd adjustable cam gear $104.95
- new sodium exhaust valves $208.80
- new intake valves $35.88

3. Turbo upgrade
I need to do a bit more research on this. It looks like I can take the turbo, intercooler, downpipe, plumbing, wastegate and the hardware from a wrecked 240 turbo and just bolt it up. The good thing about putting a turbo in a non-turbo engine is that the compression is a bit higher so you get a more power and a faster spool up. A wrecked 240 turbo will also be good for some turbo mags and lots of extra switches and such. I'll probably end up putting a larger turbo, intercooler and a few other goodies to help speed things up.

4. Water injection system
- Water injection kit $642.00
- DDS3 System Monitor $297.00

With everything here, it should make around 300hp. I figure this car can easily last me a couple hundred thousand or more miles with it's cast iron block and head and I want to keep everything in top shape. In the end, it's much more reliable, much safer and way cheaper than making monthly payments for something new...and way more fun when you take a 5.0 off the line like it's a minivan.

Morning Rant

This morning I was thinking, man, what would it be like if I never had to step into a church building again. What would it be like if there were no actual church building and believers would gather to just pray or worship or something and there was no real structure and no real organization-- just pure life and worship of God.   I was starting to get excited by the idea.    But then as I kept envisioning this scenario, some "visionary" would rise up and try to take the lead, name himself or herself "pastor" and then start a church organization from it, and we'd be back to square one with the need to break out of the church structure again.   

Just a sidenote

Why does the picture of team polycarp above only have one Caucasian guy?

Nightly Rant

To follow Jesus is to live for something greater than ourselves. Our very soul cries out for this. That is why movies such as Braveheart, Gladiator & Cinderella Man strike such a chord in our hearts. The path is narrow and the demands are not few. They are not "some", they are not "just a little bit", but they are all of us. The part of us that Jesus's teachings or William Wallace's passion, Maximus's endurance, and Jim Braddock's love talks to is in my opinion, the part of God that lives in us. The truth of all these things connects to our spirit and prompts us to act. It cries out for justice, love, passion and most of all, restoration. The life and story of Jesus summons God in us.

On Earth as it is in Heaven...

God is mending this world so he can come to it as said in Rev 21:3. God is restoring creation with the blood of Jesus. God has always been and is always about restoring creation to what it was and where it should be, the next step from the Garden...New Jerusalem.

Only Geeks Do Year End Lists....

Well since the year is almost over I thought I would give a brief list of my favorite books I have read this year:

1. Discipleship on the Edge by Darrell Johnson
-A great walk through the book of Revelation that is extremely practical and pastoral. I could not put this book down without being challenged - a great read

2. The Pilgrim's Progress by John Bunyan
-One of the most read books in all of English literature. The imagery in this book continually came to mind months after I read it and was deeply stimulating.

3. The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis
-An allegorical tale of a bus ride through hell and heaven. Great leisure reading, short, and very thought provoking.

4. David Martyn Lloyd-Jones: The First Forty Years by Iain H. Murray
-The first book in a two volume biography of the Welsh preacher D.M. Llyoyd-Jones. I always love reading a good biography.

5. A Puritan Golden Treasury compiled by I. D. E. Thomas
-I didn't read this cover to cover as it is a book of quotes. However it has been great to flip through.

Extreme home makeover.

Is there a better show ever in the history of TV? Absolutely amazing every week. The only show I try to watch each week.

Almost from my phone...

Hi friends, we are homeless for the moment. Read about it here - it's fun!
We're in the midst of a very quiet disaster - an ice storm. More on that later.

I just thought I'd post something - I was beginning to feel left out. I almost posted from my phone but I'm too cheap to pay for the media package. Fortunately my brother-in-law is letting us stay with him till our power is back on so I was able to do it for free.

By for now.

Our tension

The tension that myself and most people live in is that we spend most of our lives trying to be who we are not, instead of being who God created us to be.

If I spend all the days of my life in disillusion of who I am, then is my life not a failure? Trying to live up to peoples expectations is a dangerous path I've been on as being that person means not being who God created me to be. If God created me to be "X", then there is no tension in being who God created me to be.

to be


or not to be


that is the question...

The glorious fall.

So in lieu of the insane weather we've had in the recent days here in BC, I thought I'd post this praise report. Since I was given a new office at work I have been waiting patiently for the wind to remove the leaves from the trees that block me from enjoying the mighty Pitt river. Rejoice, the leaves are now gone. (It is actually a lot more impressive than this picture would describe.)

It always snows on our anniversary.

So here is the little bitty version of Team Polycarp! from my phone, from my Anniversary weekend. How disturbing is that?? No need to worry. I only checked my e-mail and the web once. If your interested in checking out the pictures from my wifes and my trip to beautiful Tofino, British Columbia check them out here...

It was a great weekend even though it snowed. A bunch. In a place (Tofino) that doesn't get snow that often. The interesting part was the three hour that turned out to be 6 hour drive back to the ferry that saw us lose control 3 times, while crashing twice. Once into a snow bank, and one that will require a trip to the body shop. Lame. It was probably without a doubt the most intense driving of my life. In all we left the bed and breakfast at 9 am and got in the door tonight at 7pm. Ice and snow everywhere.

Also here are the pictures from my son's pirate party to celebrate his 5th birthday...